Six Terrible, Crappy Movies That Allow Us to Recognize the Really Good Movies

About Schmidt – 1 Star (Terrible)

Jack Nicholson is Warren Schmidt in this movie, an actuary whose angry, miserable life is interrupted by retirement and the sudden death of his wife when he discovers his life has no real meaning, and he has no real relationships to comfort him.

Nicholson (as Schmidt) stays in character in this effort, but the 2 hour 5 minute movie is really about 2 hours and 3 minutes of being angry, miserable and negative, and then a moment of redemption at the end that comes from a 6-year-old boy in Tanzania he has sponsored.

This does not get my 2-star rating as even average because it is so unredeeming. Just watching this angry, negative, miserable movie for 2 hours and 3 minutes put me in a foul mood, despite the pathetic try at redemption in the end. Who wants to watch a two-hour movie and feel miserable when you are done?

This film has to be the worst film I have even seen Jack Nicholson in, and did absolutely nothing to enhance Nicholson’s image as one of the great actors of our time. Unfortunately for Nicholson, he gets involved in this film which lacks a good story line, a good script and good direction (one might say, he struck out). None of this has any affect whatsoever on Hollywood as Nicholson was tapped for a Best Actor nomination (this is Jack, right?) and Kathy Bates for a Best Actress in a Supporting Role nomination; neither won an Oscar. Small justice for a lousy film.

Almost Heroes – 1 Star (Terrible)

Chris Farley in Lewis & Clark’s Time – Really Bad Flick, as bad as Austin Powers. I like Chris Farley as a comedian; some of his sketches on Saturday Night Live are classics. I am saddened that this film did nothing to showcase his real talent, and contribution to American comedy.

The Anchorman – 1 Star (Terrible)

Will Ferrell as a self-absorbed nightly news anchor who falls from grace. This movie is worse than bad, it is terrible beyond belief. There are a couple of laughs in it, but it is the absolute pit to watch. Farrell will never make it as an actor of note with these kinds of roles.

The female lead is Christina Applegate (yes, that Christina—Kelly Bundy—of Married With Children), who is now grown and pretty darn attractive in spite of appearing in this awful choice of a movie.

We will pray that both Ferrell and Applegate get better roles, although it looks like Ferrell is making a career out of stupid, crummy roles. He certainly has more talent than this movie shows. I would date Applegate, at least once, to see if she had more going for her than just looks; you certainly could not tell by her choice of movie roles.

Before Sunset – 1 Star (Terrible)

“Before Sunset” is the story of a young couple who reunite 10 years later in Paris after an original fling. There is no story line in this movie, apparently they forgot to write one. Before Sunset follows the male and female leads walking around Paris and talking until they come back together.

The production in this movie not really well done (despite being in Paris), and I was not always able to hear the audio. It is filled with what are supposed to be cute lines that get very tired after awhile. If this was meant to be a movie about relationships, it failed miserably.

Charlie’s Angels – 1 Star (Terrible)

Lousy.  Made for 11-year-old girls, for which it achieved its most noble purpose, lining the pockets of the movie producers. A real piece of artificial crap masquerading as something worth watching.

Cocktail – 1 Star (Terrible)

An early (1988) movie with Tom Cruise as an Irish performance bartender in Manhattan involved in booze, broads and beefcake with a smile. After watching this movie I tried to determine which was more compelling: this movie effort or an ant walking across the sidewalk.

Unable to determine which, I concluded this film was the victim of a poor script, terrible acting, lack of an interesting story line, and any meaningful message. I guess I was looking for more than just mindless entertainment. I would see this film again. Others might see it again if they are just sappy about Tom Cruise and cannot get enough of a bad movie.

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